If you have been keeping up with my incredibly wordy blog posts you may have already read the post about My Strongest Influence where I discuss my Mother's profound influence on my life. What I have not yet discussed really is how I used to be a creator of comics, both web comics and published books. How did I go from being a comic creator to a textile artist you ask? Well I'll tell you, with a novel, of course:
So, one thing my Mom didn't actually have much of an influence on was my love of drawing comics. Though she was encouraging of my art in whatever form it took on, she was not a fan of cartoons, and often found them in her words, "boring". I however, found them just wonderful! First being fascinated with animation as moving paintings, and the fact that someone would patiently sit there and draw (or sculpt, depending on the medium) soooo many of the same thing just in slightly different positions to create only a few seconds of movement, was so baffling to me. Then, my Grandpa would come over every weekend to bring the newspaper and since I could care less about the rest of the news as a child, I was always drawn to the delightfully colourful comic strip section of the paper. As I got older and read more magazines and would go grocery shopping with my Mom I would often ask to get an Archie comic. So I was introduced slowly to the world of comics and when I finally graduated from college with a Fine Arts degree, moved to Toronto which was full of comic book stores, comic conventions and a whole comic culture in general, it really excited me.
I always drew but I actually started making my own comic strips when I was eight. When I was in Grade 5 my teacher noticed I had a really good writing style and actually spoke to my Mom about sending me to a young authors meetup at a school not too far away. I really loved the notion of making comics because it combined my too loves, writing and drawing. It could tell people how things were being imagined in my head. It was basically like creating a movie or a show but all by yourself just doing the storyboards for people to see, so it wasn't a fully finished product of film, but it still got the point across that you wanted to, and you could potentially get it in front of an audience very quickly.
The first convention I ever attended I went to sell a book I published at lulu.com. A very small story called, "Dork Girl" was introduced at that convention that a then friend (later boyfriend, now ex) invited me to. I always told myself that if I ever attended a convention for the first time I would be selling something there, and my motivation shone through. I also had other products to sell along with my book, like different t-shirts and such. I wanted to have different price points for people. I didn't sell a ton in artist alley that weekend but I did make a few sales and my excitement to be there was definitely recognized. I was invited to a few conventions not long after that first one by people who worked in a comic book store that were very encouraging of female comic book creators. I think my enthusiasm and passion for comics really helped me get there.
When I first started out going to those comic conventions, the cons were very sparse, and actually very few female representation was happening at the time. Not long after though, women seemed to really become very prevalent in the comics community, whether comic creators themselves, fans, cosplayers, whatever, they came in droves! I also loved the strength of these women, as they got a lot of slack from the male community (that somehow thought comics were an "all boys club" and weren't being as inclusive as they should have been) but they fought back and proved they needed to be there. Not all men in the community were like that mind you, but I did hear a number of stories and experienced it a little bit myself so I definitely knew what they were talking about.
During my time doing comics I published 8 books in a 5 year span and also created a weekly updated web comic entitled, "Tom Boy Tara" (that no longer have a website or books online, as I had them taken down) that ended up being very political and made fun of gender stereotypes that we place upon people as a society. I had created quite a number of comics, enough for about four books (which could have turned into five) and could have potentially been something major had I kept going with it. The comic lasted from 2008-2013 and didn't really have a proper ending as I wasn't expecting to stop it so abruptly. I had lots of scripts for it with the intention of getting into some more serious plot lines, but a depression in my life had finally come to my attention and my energy and motivation had gone way down. I decided to take a month long hiatus and get back to the comic when I felt refreshed, but that break showed me all of the things in my life I had been missing because I was so deeply immursed in the fictional story I was telling. I had given up so much life balance that people strive for in their life...not that a lot of people get that mind you, but I feel like most people at least give themselves breaks here and there, where as I was always working in my off hours, facing a wall typing up a script, or drawing out a comic for the week. It may not seem like much to most people but to gain a following of fans you need to work hard there too, so balancing all of that with a full-time job and a relationship with my boyfriend (now husband) was becoming extremely daunting. I wasn't getting any benefits really either out of all the work I was putting in. A few thumbs up on Facebook, some positive comments kept me going for a while, but I was beginning to get some more negative critiques, no money for my efforts and that can slowly take a toll on your psyche. The positive vibes that came out of that experience was tremendous and I wouldn't have traded it for the world, but I realized this was a solo effort I was making and some people were not understanding why I continued on with it. My world of comics were a way for me to retreat and use escapism so I didn't have to face the depression I was ignoring daily, so I needed to be brave and face it head on. I quit my full-time job once I quit my comic, took a course that interested me for a while, Makeup Artistry (that I thought I might enjoy, and it was fun, but it didn't make me happy) and I went to some therapy sessions to sort out my depression and the confusion that went along with it. Luckily my husband (then live-in boyfriend) was very supportive of my decisions, I couldn't have done it without him. I had much guilt that I couldn't do my comics any longer and I had to let that go and realize what else I could do in my life that I also enjoyed. Let me tell you, it took a long time to figure out my next journey.
Of course, in the therapy I had to face head-on lots of repressed feelings from my past experiences and trauma. I openly talked about many things, one of which was the death of my Mother. It took me many years to realize how much I loved to express myself through clothes and how people often responded optimistically to my sense of style. Even in my comics I loved to make t-shirts that my characters wore and turned them into real t-shirts you could buy using print-on-demand websites if someone wished to dress as a character or just liked the t-shirt idea. My comic had a lot of fashion design elements in it that I didn't really notice before until I sat back to look at it. I one day wanted to start making dresses and searched online to see if I can put my art on dresses that someone else could sew. I finally found a site (Artscow) that made such a product (and others) to make that thought a reality. I used it for quite a while, just for myself, got really into patterns and learned how to make seamless ones online. I even made a few Halloween costumes for myself using the company. I think it was a year or two into making lots of designs on Artscow and I got an e-mail from someone who worked there. I guess they took notice of the textile designs I was making and they introduced me to their sister store Cowcow, so if I wanted to I could make stuff to sell on there. I was flattered that they noticed me and thought I had what it took to make a store and sell things on there. He also offered me a possible opportunity to sell clothing on Cowcow and on Amazon, with my own label and they would give me the first lot of clothing free. I was in a strange position, because I had just become engaged and was planning a wedding, I wasn't working (still) at the time, but was thinking of getting a job again so we didn't have a lot of money coming in, and it seemed like a tempting opportunity but I was just getting going with my designs and sort of doing it as a fun hobby so the concept of this seemed scary to me. I sat on it for a bit and respectfully declined (and yes, I sometimes lay awake at night wondering how my life could have been had I accepted the offer) and I think if I got offered that later on I would have most likely accepted.
It has been an interesting road though, I never thought my life would take me in this direction. I always thought fashion was my Mom's thing, but it is clear growing up with it around me, and being inspired by it in my life in many ways brought me to this point in time. I'm having fun with this though, it's not as daunting as comics, but it's still a lot of hard work, but it gives me a little more life balance and a new way to have fun. I'm still doing art, which I love, I'm still writing (with this blog) so the format has changed a bit but I'm still doing a lot of the things I love to do. This life journey definitely took an interesting turn but lots of people pivot a bit in their life. I may do something with comics again some day, it's not completely off the table, but for now this is my focus and I'm enjoying it immensely!
